Progress NOT Perfection

I am pleased to report that the “Fix up Susan” project has closed its’ doors permanently. It has been a work in progress for several decades with discernable improvement but no completion date. While I was busy fixing myself, I forgot to live my life…until a health crisis reminded me that I needed to live in my wholebody, not just my head. I have finally learned at a week shy of 64 years old that I am fine the way I am. I will never be thin, artistic, or fluent in another foreign language. I will continue (likely forever) to be creative, overweight, smart, empathic, sensitive and compassionate, as well as musical.

After reading a million self-help books, Geneen Roth, Brene Brown, Wayne Dyer and many others, I have learned and believe I am good enough. Can you close down yourself-fix it project? Can you actually fathom not working on ANYTHING but rather living your life….? Be who you are…An amazing and important idea!

 

Posted by Susan Odegaard Turner – MentorRN

Advertisements

Get Empowered: Ask for Help!

February was not my month! For two weeks, I was flat on my back and sick with something awful…? The flu? Couldn’t eat, take care of my dog or put out the trash. I struggled to keep the basics going, like the heat. I thought I had it handled.

Then I took a fall. Broke my hand in 2 places and couldn’t use it. Of course, these falls only happen when you are buck ass naked and it is Friday at midnight. The good news is I was able to get myself up. The bad news is I couldn’t do much else.

I slept with frozen peas and a splint. The next morning, my friend called. I told her what happened, and she showed up with a goody bag full of crackers, seven up, bananas and Gatorade. She checked in regularly. apparently the word traveled and another neighbor took out my trash. People showed up to feed the dog, water my plants and see if I needed laundry done.

I was lovingly cared for by several folks. Some I didn’t even know that well. A couple still ask if I am doing ok. I was really impressed by how kind they were. I felt empowered and treated kindly.i am usually the one doing the caretaking. It was different to be the one that needed it. As a nurse for over 40 years, I pride myself on taking care of myself without help…except for my golden retriever. I now know that as I age, I may one day again need to ask for help. Next time I will be less judgmental and afraid. How are you at asking for help?!

Posted by Susan Odegaard Turner – MentorRN

Ordinary Time

Ordinary time is a Catholic and Christian term and concept that relates to the liturgical calendar. There are labeled times, like Advent and Lent, and ordinary time is outside those special days. Many folks believe “ordinary time” means not important time. This is not true for the liturgical calendar, or in living life.

The older I get, the more blessed I feel to be aging. I used to be someone who complained about wrinkles, crow’s feet, and other evidence of my aging. I don’t do that most of the time anymore, as I have learned how lucky I am to be alive and presumably healthy at age 63. I know several folks I have loved that did not get to live until 63 years of age. They died younger.

As we welcome in the New Year and make our plans for the future, remember that all our time on the planet is a blessing. We make not like what is happening in our lives, but we are wired to adapt and change to cope with it.

Don’t take health, family or love for granted. Embrace your life and make your time extra-ordinary. Happy New Year!

 

Posted by Susan Odegaard Turner – MentorRN

Basic Kindness

I have been thinking about basic human kindness for a few days now. Recently, I was headed to a special music session located an hour away from my house in an area I wasn’t familiar with; out in the boonies. The host had offered very detailed instructions, but I still got lost. I called the information number listed on the directions. I told the person answering that I was likely lost. His comment was “if you have the directions, follow them; I don’t have time to talk right now!” He then hung up the call.

To say I was stunned was putting it mildly. I was going to an event in his venue and paying monies to do so. I was already concerned about finding the place in a rural area, and this was his response. I was so upset I turned around and went home. He lost the revenue and reputation I could have spoken out about, and I felt shamed, unworthy and stupid.

I am not directionally challenged, but even if I was, making me feel worse about it was not helpful. What happened to saying something kind? Asking if we can make it quick because he is busy? Why are folks rude, when it takes the same amount of time to be nice, or at least tolerant? I am over my feelings about the incident. But it reminded me to be patient and at least reasonable with folks who do not understand the way I do. When was the last time you were kind to someone?

Time to Stop the Madness

I started out thinking this blog would be about my experiences consulting in prison. But as I wrote, I realized that my madness is outside the wire and inside my mind. It is the madness of producing and output. Measurable success, as determined by “them.” I don’t know who “them” are, but I do know I constantly strive to continue working, continue to produce; to be worthy, valuable, balanced and whole.

I taught a leadership course a while back, and part of the dialog from young nurse leaders, was that they worried that we, their boomer bosses, would not think they were valuable or productive enough because they left before 8pm at night to go home to their families. We, the boomers, had role-modeled complete imbalance in our lives, and these younger generations thought it was the way they had to be successful was to imitate us.

I recently wrote about looking at the “slow lane.” I have written about “preferment” instead of retirement; doing what I want to do professionally instead of what I think I need to do working full time. What I didn’t realize until recently, is that I am the cause of my biggest madness. Everyone I know my age is struggling with at least one health issue that makes them uncomfortable. Some are on their way to permanent disability. But they stubbornly resist retiring or working less-part time or per diem~not because of money, but because of perception. I thought I shouldn’t retire until I was disabled or unable to work. How messed up is that?!

Where did we aging, exhausted boomers get the idea that productivity equaled value? That working 70 hours a week was required? That taking time off during the “work day” to see a child play a football game is “cheating?” That we must work ‘til we drop from keeping 87 balls in the air? Is it in our nature as nurses to be workaholics? Are we avoiding tough things in our life? I have a dear friend that needs at least one major surgery she has put off for 8 years (!) …because she doesn’t have time (and doesn’t want to do it).

Part of this madness is the “women in the workplace” expectations of the eighties. All of our role models worked 15 hour days and every weekend. It goes right along with those stupid bow ties and pinstriped man-suits we all wore to be “taken seriously.” What the hell were we thinking?!! I am just now learning about balance and being whole. Progress but not perfection. That resting is not a weakness.

I have been a nurse for almost 42 years. It has been the most rewarding career I can imagine, and I have learned many things, including my experiences inside the wire (prison) which I will write about another time. For now, I am taking a well-deserved, long overdue nap!

 

Posted by Susan Odegaard Turner – MentorRN

Physical Violence Against Care Providers

There have been numerous articles in the past few years about nurses, physicians and other care providers being physically assaulted by family members of patients in healthcare facilities. The most recent was the incident of Ms. Wubble, an ER RN following her hospital policy on caring for a patient, and then being forcibly restrained by a police officer for not doing what he wanted her to do. While the officer faced serious consequences for his cowardly and inappropriate behavior, the issue begs a bigger question.

When did it become acceptable to physically lash out at those caring for patients in need? Why do folks believe that yelling, screaming, hitting or other assaultive behaviors fixes anything? Why are providers the likely target? What does it say about our collective humanity that this is happening with regularity, and whose job is it to stop it from happening? Do healthcare employers have a responsibility to protect their staff from violent patients and families? Are providers doing everything they can to protect themselves?

In 2000, a National Institutes of Health study identified almost 50% of physical violence in the workplace happens in healthcare settings. That means care providers are much more vulnerable than other work place settings. Do healthcare settings acknowledge this? Are there true safety precautions in place? Paging the security guard to the ER does not count as a precaution! All healthcare providers are important, but as boomers retire, RNs are becoming precious commodities. What is your facility doing to address this issue? What are you doing? Don’t wait; start the conversation!

Posted by Susan Odegaard Turner – MentorRN

Eyeing the Slow Lane?

As I consider retirement, I am struck by several competing emotions….How do I feel productive without making any income? What will I do with my time? Shouldn’t I be older or disabled to retire now? What will people think? Have I worked enough? When the airplane I was on recently slid off the runway, none of that mattered. However, it is a good idea to evaluate your situation thoroughly before deciding how to move forward.

Do you want to slow down? Have less stress? Have more personal time? Enter the twilight of your career? If job related stress is making you crazy, what are your choices? If you cannot quit your job all together, you may feel stuck. But, there are alternatives. According to Dennis Nishi, plenty of professionals are scaling back on their workload or ceding management responsibility (WSJ.com, 2010). You have choices, even when you feel stuck. Start by considering:

  • How you evaluate goals and measure your personal success? A successful career does not have to include 60 hour per weeks. Consider how you can work your job around your home life. What does that look like for you? There are routes to advancement or continuing your career within healthcare that will satisfy your personal need for more time, less travel or pursuit of a hobby.
  • Can you accept the idea and results that you are limiting your career ambition? Who you are is not what you do. You need to integrate what is most important to you into your life first; then work other things, like your job around that.
  • Are you willing to boss others less? If you downscale as a manager, you can apply skills to a position that doesn’t require overseeing employees. If you have proved yourself to your facility/industry and provide something valuable to the organization, moving to a role with fewer direct reports will not be viewed negatively, unless you present it that way.
  • Are you willing to tell the truth and be upfront about your decision? Whatever you decide to do, it is important to communicate your intentions and plans in a way that demonstrates your commitment to the facility/company, organization and industry. Explain why a different position is a good fit and have a frank discussion/dialog about why you want to make the downward move. Always play to your strengths.
  • Have you prepared your finances? It is crucial that you take time to plan financially before making changes that impact your salary. Plan your savings strategies, budget and expenses around the new income level before you make the change.
  • Are you willing to think ahead? If you change your mind about the downward move, you will not be harming your career. You can spin the decision positively when you apply for new positions. Tell the interviewers what has changed and why you are ready to “get back on the track.”

Posted by Susan Odegaard Turner – MentorRN